I have always been an advocate for social change but this time I felt a rumbling of discomfort and a defensiveness that crept through my consciousness, insidiously threatening to spread through me like a stealthy toxin. Was I going to be subjected to a group of white people who were going to tell me and other black people African, coloured and Indian how NOT to be racist? Was I going to face a rhetoric of white superiority dressed in platitudes of white liberal progressiveness? With a pounding heart and nervous energy, I entered the arena and held my breath. My fears were not realised as I encountered a mix of academic, professional, passionate ordinary people who all seemed committed to creating a better world, each in their own way, and willing to bring their truths to this new colourful melting pot of mixed talents, personalities and cultures. Having met some of these beautiful people I still felt an unease and decided to do a deep dive into my own troubled mind. At every turn, I feel compelled to stand out, to have my voice heard, to let these white people who created All In The Poker Movie دوبله فارسی dominate the group know that they dare not stereotype me as less intelligent or less anything. I realised that this baggage I had invisibly dragged around with me had suddenly surfaced. I am a product of the eighties and having been in the middle of the anti-apartheid struggle as a youth, I had undoubtedly been indoctrinated by the systemic poison of Apartheid. No-one used the term non-Indian, non-coloured, or non-African. These were obviously undesired sates of being under the Apartheid system. Ironically, being non-Indian was in fact frowned upon amongst the Indians, so I guess being Indian was a desirable classification, if only to the Indians themselves. The Group Areas Act dictated that no-one was permitted to live in an area designated for another racial group, nor travel on the same bus or use the same toilets. My siblings and I were allowed in the schools because our birth certificates indicated both racial classifications. As if the Apartheid system was not bad enough, the Indian culture was particularly snobbish and exclusive. I was regarded as a half caste and being recognised as Indian was not a particular goal I aspired to. I All In The Poker Movie دوبله فارسی an institutional and social outsider. I watched black people being treated like they were sub-human by the Indian folk — exploited, belittled and dehumanised. As a child, this injustice troubled me deeply and I was drawn to the liberation struggle when I grew older. Fast-forward toafter living in Cape Town for 17 years, I entered the terrain of anti-racism again. Having left the tear gas, rubber bullets and Casspirs behind me almost 3 decades ago, I felt a jolt of unrest as the buried mistrust and suspicion I had of white people started creeping up on me. Had I unwittingly become a reverse racist? Or was my institutionalised conditioning resurfacing? I realised with startling horror that I was projecting my own victimhood. All human life is sacred and everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Was I living up to this? My purpose of serving humanity meant that I had to break all the moulds of bias, prejudice and bigotry that I had grown up with. I thought about the lived reality of African people in our country. People clutching their handbags if they pass an African person in the street, the look of disdain and scorn when a previously privileged people associates every middle-class African person with affirmative action, corruption and malfeasance. An ex-colleague of mine, a burly African man, with a doctorate in the sciences, would often relate his experiences in this ex-colonial town of British settlers. Not even his James Earl Jones like baritone voice and appearance made his experience any easier. He was patronised, marginalised and made to feel unwelcome. If he reacted he was scorned as being arrogant and entitled. He eventually moved back to Gauteng for a better job, and maintained that African people experience less racism in Johannesburg. I think about my own experiences. I am reminded of the arrogance I experience from males of all colours as a mixed-race Muslim woman. My racial persuasion, mild attractiveness and gender sometimes militate against the idea that I am a thinking rational human being. Being religious and a Muslim woman in particular, elicits the stereotype of being stupid, backward and repressed. It is accompanied by disdain that a Muslim woman of colour dares to know better than anyone. I drag all the baggage around with me and it weighs heavily. I began to examine my own misgivings about being in a liberal group with many white people who may think that they know better about racism and prejudice, and spout forth their knowledge with false modesty and disguised condescension. Is it fair to put them in that box? II realised that I had felt this way every time I attended a school meeting since when my sons were at the school.
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